i look over at the sun. it’s heating up my room, leaving me to broil in drowsy comfort. in the background, my father’s voice gradually swells, repetitively battling with his duty to his students and slow understanding of technology. in the corner of my eye i see the medicine sitting on my desk. it peeks over at me from time to time from behind my laptop. i know it’s there, revelling in it’s 50mg glory, how could i not when it glares at me with such pointedness. but i want the sweet tang of grapefruit once more before i commit.
today i talk of healing. how do i heal myself? one of my tricks is to make myself as still as possible. to slow down the breathing. it’s a little hard because my fingers can’t help but poke and pull at the small folds of skin between my fingers. i need to try and clear my head.
actually, the trick is to believe that ‘everything will be okay’. you know, hearing those words, even if you don’t believe them at that point in time… it’s the reassurance that we need. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. if i think too much, my hands will start to shake, and my heart starts to clench.
another trick of mine is music. today before visiting the pharmacy i wandered slowly through the park with each step made softer from the comfort of the same 4 songs playing on loop. i honestly can’t remember a day in the past couple of years where i haven’t listened to music. when i sat in the cafe today, i once again wished i had made it a habit to carry a notebook and pen. i felt inspired by late summer whispers, happiness from the simpleness of vast green fields, and the need to record some of these transient emotions.
finally, try to love others like you want to be loved. it’ll hurt sometimes. if you’re unlucky it’ll hurt more often than not, if you’re lucky love will follow you wherever you are.